I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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