Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
