Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
