Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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