i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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