The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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