"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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