did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just high enough for therapy.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
