Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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