If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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