dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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