If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
