onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
