So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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