I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
