Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
