fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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