Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
This toilet bowl is my home.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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