I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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