My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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