i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
