I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
