I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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