just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
