Don't you send me to vm
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
