Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
