The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
