I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
