Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
