you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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