Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's not a walk of shame if you run
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
