Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
