he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
