After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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