I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
