I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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