yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
