The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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