3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
