Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
