the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
