Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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