There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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