2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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