I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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