Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
