This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
