i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i dont even know how to be here
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
