I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
