Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I want to be your penis for a week.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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